Trusting the Woman Within
by Robin Allen
I've always had audacious dreams.
Long before I knew what was possible, I imagined a life beyond the one I could see. I became the first in my family to graduate from college. I built a successful career in corporate communications with major corporations. Then I dared to dream even bigger — I wanted to become a bestselling author.
To some people that dream seemed unrealistic. Maybe even impossible. I often sensed an unspoken question beneath their words: Who do you think you are to dream that big?
For a while, I started asking myself the same question.
I often returned to Langston Hughes's powerful poem “Harlem”:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?...
Or does it explode?
For years, I worried my dreams were quietly drying up, not because they were impossible but because I stopped trusting the woman who dreamed them.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing in the inner voice that had always fueled my ambition. I allowed other people's opinions to invade my spirit and influence my decisions. Looking back, I realize that inviting those voices to speak louder than my own was one of the biggest mistakes I could have made.
I began doubting myself, questioning my dreams, and wondering if trusting myself was risky.
As Black women, we're often taught to seek advice, respect experience, and lean on the wisdom of others. Those lessons have value. They connect us to generations of women who survived by supporting one another through unimaginable challenges.
But somewhere in those lessons, many of us absorbed another message: Trust everyone but yourself.
Without realizing it, I started listening to everyone else. The mentor. The friend. The family member. The boss. The coach. The person who always seemed certain they had the answers.
I know because I've lived it.
I made decisions based on other people's opinions instead of my own instincts. I convinced myself that ignoring the quiet voice inside me was the mature thing to do.
It wasn't.
Instead, I found myself living with decisions that never truly felt like mine. That's the thing about advice. Most people offer it with good intentions. But they don't have to live with the outcome.
I do.
Learning the Difference
I've learned that listening to others and trusting yourself are not opposites.
Wise people can offer perspective. They can reveal blind spots and challenge us to grow. But they cannot replace the wisdom we've earned through our own experiences.
Too often, especially as Black women, we're praised for being accommodating. We learn to keep the peace, carry everyone else's expectations, and avoid disappointing people.
Somewhere in that process, I began questioning my own judgment. I second-guessed my instincts. I apologized for what I felt. I waited for someone else to validate what I already knew.
In doing so, I ignored the very compass that had been quietly guiding me all along.
The Cost of Ignoring Myself
Ignoring my inner voice came with a price. It cost me peace. It cost me confidence. It cost me time I can never get back. It cost me opportunities I may never know existed because I didn't trust myself enough to pursue them. Most of all, it cost me trust in myself.
The hardest part wasn't making mistakes. It was realizing that deep down, I had sensed something wasn't right. I simply didn't trust myself enough to listen. That realization hurt. But it also changed me.
A Different Kind of Confidence
These days, I still seek advice. I still value the opinions of people I respect.
But I've stopped treating someone else's opinions as more important than my own discernment. I've learned to pause before saying yes. I've learned that I don't owe anyone an immediate answer.
I've learned that uncertainty isn't weakness — it's an invitation to think, reflect, and choose with intention.
Today, I see intuition differently. It is the quiet voice that guides me, warns me, and reminds me who I am when the world grows noisy. It isn't magic. It's the wisdom I've gathered from every lesson, every disappointment, every success, and every setback.
That wisdom gives me the confidence to make bold decisions and pursue my dreams without hesitation.
Trust is Built, not Given
Trusting yourself doesn't happen overnight. It’s something you build. One decision at a time. One boundary at a time. One moment of honoring your instincts instead of dismissing them.
For many Black women, that's revolutionary.
I've spent much of my life proving that I'm capable, dependable, and resilient. Sometimes I forget that I am also wise. The wisdom I've gained through experience deserves my acknowledgment.
I've learned to trust my voice, and that trust has given me confidence I never found in someone else's approval.
The Woman I've Become
I no longer believe I have to explain every decision I make. I don't need unanimous approval before moving forward. I don't confuse someone else's advice with my own truth.
Instead, I listen to the facts. I listen to my experiences. I listen to the people I trust.
Most importantly, I listen to myself. Because after all the lessons, heartbreaks, wrong turns, and new beginnings, I've discovered something simple but powerful.
The voice I kept searching for in everyone else had been quietly growing inside me all along.
Learning to trust that voice has been one of the most liberating journeys of my life.
Today, I'm moving forward with audacious dreams — not borrowed from someone else's expectations but rooted in the woman I've become. I refuse to let my dreams "dry up like a raisin in the sun" or "fester like a sore—and then run." Instead, I choose to nurture my dreams with courage, conviction, and action until they bloom into everything they were meant to be. My dream will not wither in doubt. It will rise, radiant and undeniable, shining like the sun across an open sky.
For years, I waited for someone else to tell me my dreams were possible. Today, I no longer need their permission. I trust the woman within.
And she is boldly carrying her dreams toward the life she has always imagined.
Robin Allen is a multi-published author of women’s fiction, romance, and YA novels: It Starts With A Promise: A Novel; It’s Complicated: A Novel; The Best Thing Yet; If I Were Your Woman; Breeze and The Starters: Unexpected. As a freelance writer, she has written 40+ articles for national publications, including Hope, Digital Flourish, Essence, Today’s Black Woman, Atlanta Woman, Black Elegance, and Diversity Careers. Robin has worked as a senior-level manager in marketing, communications, and public relations for Fortune 500 and technology companies.