Why Success Feels Different Now: From Making a Living to Making a Life
By Anne-Marie Mascaro
In my twenties, success seemed fairly straightforward.
Graduate from college. Earn the degree. Find a job. I was not expecting to have my entire life figured out, but I wanted proof that I was moving in the right direction.
In my thirties, success became more practical. It meant keeping a job, paying bills, and building a stable professional life. I measured myself by how dependable and capable I could be. Could I handle pressure? Could I solve problems? Could I keep everything moving, even when I was tired or unsure of what I was doing? Getting my boss from point A to point B during rush hour traffic was a success. So was getting to date #2.
By my forties, the path that had once made sense no longer felt like it fit.
That decade became about reinvention, although reinvention sounds much more exciting and intentional than it often feels. Sometimes it looked like taking chances. Making a pivot from a full-time lucrative career over to a part-time job and becoming a student again — all within a foreign country. Other times it looked like second guessing myself, going down the wrong road, and wondering why everyone else seemed to have a clearer plan.
I had to reconsider what I was good at, what mattered to me, and what kind of work felt meaningful. I did not arrive at the answers all at once. I am still figuring many of them out.
Now, in midlife, success feels less connected to titles and accomplishments. I still care about work, money, and achieving goals. Real life requires all three. But they are no longer the only things on my personal scorecard.
I think more about how I treat people, including myself.
That does not mean I always get it right. I can be impatient. I can react before I fully understand a situation. I often replay conversations and realize that I could have listened better or chosen different words.
For me, success now includes being willing to notice those moments and take responsibility for them. It means apologizing when necessary and trying not to repeat the same behavior. It also means learning when to forgive myself instead of turning every mistake into evidence that I have failed.
I want to put more goodness into the world, but I know goodness is not always found in grand gestures. Sometimes it is checking on a friend, being kind when I am in a bad mood, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it is simply deciding not to add more negativity within a challenging environment.
Authenticity matters more to me now too. I want my choices to reflect who I actually am, not who I think I should be. Of course, even authenticity can get complicated. We are all made up of contradictions. I can be confident one day and full of doubt the next. I can know what I want and still be afraid to pursue it.
Recently, I attended an outdoor “sound bath” with extended family and friends. If you’ve never heard of one, look it up. It does not involve a bathtub. There, I wanted to be completely present, but my mind still wandered. I thought about things I needed to do and briefly wondered how long the experience would go on for.
Then I reminded myself to come back to the moment.
I listened to the sounds moving through the night air. I noticed the people beside me and felt grateful that we had chosen to share the experience. It became another deposit in what I call my memory bank.
There was nothing impressive to show for it afterward, but it mattered.
Maybe success in midlife is not about becoming a perfectly evolved person. Maybe it is about paying attention, making corrections, and recognizing what matters before the moment passes.
I still have goals. I still want to accomplish things.
I just no longer want to be so busy building a life that I forget to live it.
Anne-Marie Mascaro is a freelance writer whose work spans multiple mediums. A lifelong traveler and curious learner, she enjoys exploring new ideas and unexpected stories. She is the founder of Monkeyfriendly.com, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that brings scientists and non-scientists together to collaborate on wildlife projects. Read more of her writing and explore her work at https://anne-mariemascaro.com/#portfolio