The Self-Love Inventory: How to Stop Leaking Energy & Start Feeling Whole
February asks bigger questions than January. Not just, “What am I doing this year?” but, “What do I need to heal so I can feel whole?” If you’ve been running on fumes, the answer is rarely another to-do list. It’s repair.
One reason life feels so heavy is choice overload. The American Psychological Association reports that when people have more choices, they can have less stamina and be less productive. Healing begins when you stop leaking energy and start choosing with intention.
Try this self-love inventory once a week for a month. It’s quick, honest, and designed to move you from coping to clarity. Audit five areas: time, body, home, relationships, and work. In each one, answer one prompt, choose one boundary, and make one “repair move.”
Time
What am I saying yes to that I secretly resent?
Boundary: Stop explaining your no.
Repair move: Create one protected hour on your calendar that belongs to you.
Body
Where am I pushing past my own signals?
Boundary: Treat rest like a requirement, not a reward.
Repair move: Pick one default that supports you, such as a 20-minute walk after lunch.
Home
What in my space is adding stress instead of comfort?
Boundary: Release the pressure to do it all at once.
Repair move: Reset one surface and keep it clear for seven days.
Relationships
Who nourishes me and who drains me?
Boundary: Choose reciprocity over obligation.
Repair move: Send one message that names what you need with simplicity and dignity.
Work
What am I carrying that is not mine to carry?
Boundary: Stop being the solution to problems you did not create.
Repair move: Write one sentence that defines your priority for the day and let it lead.
Support matters here. A National Institutes of Health resource describes social support as a predictor of physical and mental health and a buffer against stressful life events. Choose two people for your restoration season: one who tells the truth with love and one who reminds you of who you are when you forget.
As bell hooks wrote, “Love is an action: never simply a feeling.” Credit where it’s due: bell is reminding us that wholeness is practiced. And in an interview, Toni Morrison echoed the same truth through Beloved when Paul D tells Sethe, “You were your best thing.” Toni’s line is a return-to-self mandate.
This is what becoming whole looks like in real life: fewer leaks, stronger boundaries, and small repairs you can sustain. In my work, I teach a simple progression, Dream, Decide/Design and Drive™. Dream what wholeness looks like. Decide what you will no longer carry. Design the repairs. Drive the practice with support.
Start today with one question: Where is my energy going that I want back? Name one leak. Make one repair. Repeat.
Deneen L. Garrett is the Founder and CEO of Deneen L. Garrett LLC, a Dream Lifestyle Coach, writer and international speaker. She is the creator of the Dream Lifestyle™ Collective, a curated space for Black women 50+ to Dream, Decide/Design and Drive™ their next chapter with joy and intention. Deneen is also the creator and host of “Women of Color: An Intimate Conversation,” a 100 Best Women’s Empowerment podcast.