Tall Order Fulfilled: Leading through Personal Crisis
Last year, I stood in front of the caskets of two prolific women.
On Thursday, February 9, 2023, I sealed the silver, blossom-embroidered vault, gingerly mounted the pulpit, stood at the sacred desk, and delivered the most compelling oratorical masterpiece of my life.
I eulogized Xavier A. Brooks.
My mother.
On Wednesday, November 29, 2023, I was guided into a private entrance through a sacred corridor. I ascended the narrow steps and placed my hand over my heart as I gazed at the Titan Poplar Wood coffin. It housed the delicate body of beloved former First Lady Rosalynn Carter.
In 2011, after tragedy thrusted me into the world of pastoral care, I never imagined I would find myself existing at the intersection of such pivotal moments. However, I firmly believe my steps are ordered. I trust my feet are consistently nestled within the indelible prints of my Father, Who walks ahead of me onto uncharted paths.
Throughout my childhood, my mother echoed immense admiration for President & First Lady Carter. I still marvel as I recall the high intonation in her voice whenever their endearing images graced our television screens. Perhaps her connection to Mrs. Carter was due to their comparable advocacy efforts around mental health.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, Mrs. Carter’s forthright support of this global pain point was highlighted in March 1977 during her opening interview as First Lady of the United States. She passionately expressed her intention was “for every person who needs mental health care to be able to receive it close to his home, and to remove the stigma from mental health care so people will be free to talk about it and seek help.”
Mrs. Carter’s brazen stance on an issue that was often shunned by renowned leaders empowered my mother to lead in her own sphere of influence. She began to proactively amplify the importance of self-care and mental health issues within the African American community at-large.
I learned about epigenetics, the systemic alteration of healthy gene expressions due to slavery, while sitting in our living room. Mommy brilliantly dissected the nuances of our cultural trauma and the adverse effect on our community after we watched a replay of the highly acclaimed series Roots. Her prudent and intentional guidance validated the agonizing truth I eventually witnessed in news headlines throughout the Tri-state area. It heightened my intellectual curiosity, and nurtured the part of me that researches a matter down to the lowest common denominator.
Moreover, it affirmed the importance of finding my own voice and sounding the clarion call for justice in the realm of psychological safety.
These thoughts meandered through my mind as I stood elevated above her casket and held the audience captive with stories of my mother’s beautifully flawed yet impactful humanity.
Two months later, I was chosen as an executive business partner to a C-Suite female leader. We were tasked with continuing to spearhead Mrs. Carter’s vision of resilience and radical care for over 83 million caregivers around the world. As I entered this vital role, I knew instinctively that this was my mother’s parting gift to me. To lead with intention and heart. To hold my femininity, ethnicity, and ministry as a pure atonement for the cost of taking up space in this world.
When I joined the noble organization, I was immediately apprised of President & Mrs. Carter’s delicate well-being. I realized that it was crucial for me to lean into the duality of being an empathic leader and a spiritual advisor when necessary.
As my own birthday was approaching in November, I was balancing a myriad of emotions. I deeply missed my mother’s physical presence. I was navigating the rugged terrain of forgiveness towards those who willfully abandoned me in the valley of death. Finally, I had to painfully redefine life without the comfort of my very first home.
While I was silently enduring these emotional hurdles, Mrs. Carter was placed into hospice care. Two days later, she peacefully transitioned.
I was in the deep throes of personal sorrow when I was commissioned to lead the staff meeting in her honor. I took a deep breath and prayed for wisdom to flow out of my soul’s reservoir.
Nine months after my brilliant mother’s departure, I set a precedent in leading through crisis for one of the most pioneering women of our era. Here are a few resounding principles that carried me through the valley:
Grief will either metastasize in your spirit or transform your life
My mother spoke truth to power for those who experienced mental distress at the intersection of domestic violence and religious hierarchy. Mrs. Carter’s childhood tragedy became the impetus for her platform as a First Lady of the United States. You have the power to fuel your narrative. Choose wisely.
Purpose is not predicated on (by) time
My mother died when she was in her late 60s. Mrs. Carter died in her late 90s. Both lives left an endearing legacy. I’ve resolved that purpose is not based on length of lifetimes, but in fruitful manifestation of moments.
Grace is your greatest companion
You were born to be a solution bearer. Woven into the triumphs and tragedies of your life is a blueprint for endurance. You have the grace to exist at this time in history, equipped with both dormant and boisterous gifts that will embroider your legacy in the archives of time.
From one gifted woman to countless others, own all your moments unapologetically. I can think of two women who are so glad that I did.
Imani Brooks-Wheeler is a C-Suite strategist, Speaker, and Spiritual Care Advisor & Mediator for High-Net-Worth individuals. Explore more about her powerful journey at www.ImaniBrooksWheeler.com.