Finding My Way Back: A Journey to Rediscovering Self, Happiness & Love
There are moments in life when you wake up and realize you’ve been showing up for everyone else, but not fully for yourself. You’re functioning, achieving, supporting, and even smiling, yet something inside feels distant. Not broken. Just… quiet. That’s where my journey back to myself began — not in crisis, but in awareness.
For a long time, I believed that strength meant endurance. To keep going. Pushing through. Being dependable. Being the strong one. Like many women — especially those who are helpers, leaders, caregivers, and high achievers — I learned early how to put my needs on the back burner. Somewhere along the way, my identity became tied to what I did for others rather than who I was becoming. Rediscovering myself didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t sparked by a dramatic event or a single breakthrough moment.
Instead, it unfolded slowly through reflection, honesty, and the courage to ask a difficult question: When did I stop choosing myself?
Losing Yourself Happens Quietly
The truth is, we don’t usually lose ourselves all at once. It happens in small ways. We say yes when we mean no. We silence our emotions to avoid discomfort. We postpone rest, joy, and love for “later.” Over time, those choices create distance between who we are and who we present to the world. I realized I had been living on autopilot — doing what was expected, meeting responsibilities, checking boxes — while neglecting my emotional needs. I was successful on paper, but disconnected internally. Happiness felt conditional, and love — especially self-love — felt like something I needed to earn.
That realization was uncomfortable, but it was also freeing. Because awareness opens the door to change.
The Journey Back Begins with Permission
Finding my way back started with permission, permission to slow down, to rest without guilt, and to be honest about what I needed. I had to unlearn the belief that prioritizing myself was selfish or indulgent. Instead, I reframed it as necessary. I began paying attention to what brought me peace instead of pressure. I allowed myself space to grieve parts of my life that no longer fit, while honoring the growth that came from them. Healing required me to sit with emotions I had avoided — sadness, disappointment, even anger — and acknowledge them without judgment.
This journey wasn’t about becoming someone new; it was about returning to who I had always been beneath the layers of obligation and expectation.
Rediscovering Happiness Without Conditions
For a long time, I believed happiness would come after everything else was handled, after the goals were met, the roles fulfilled, the responsibilities managed. But happiness doesn’t thrive in constant postponement. I learned that happiness is not a destination, it’s a practice. It shows up in small, intentional moments like morning quiet, meaningful conversations, laughter, rest, and boundaries. It lives in choosing alignment over approval and peace over perfection.
As I reconnected with myself, joy became less about outcomes and more about presence. I stopped waiting for permission to feel fulfilled and started creating space for happiness where I already was.
Relearning Love — Starting with Myself
Perhaps the most transformative part of this journey was redefining love. Not just romantic love, but self-love and emotional intimacy. I realized that how I treated myself set the tone for every relationship in my life. I had to examine my patterns — why I over gave, why I minimized my needs, why I felt responsible for others’ comfort at the expense of my own. Healing required boundaries, clarity, and compassion for myself.
Self-love wasn’t about affirmations alone, it was about action. Saying no when needed. Choosing rest. Honoring my emotions. Trusting my voice. From that place, love became healthier, more mutual, and more grounded.
Becoming Whole Again
Finding my way back didn’t mean erasing the past or undoing hard seasons. It meant integrating them, recognizing that every version of myself served a purpose. The woman who endured. The woman who survived. The woman who kept going when it was hard. She deserved grace, not criticism. Today, I show up differently. More present. More intentional. More honest. I understand that rediscovering self is not a one-time event, but an ongoing commitment. There will always be moments of recalibration, and that’s okay.
This journey taught me that returning to yourself is an act of courage. It requires letting go of who you were told to be and embracing who you truly are. And in that return, you don’t just rediscover happiness and love — you reclaim your wholeness.
Erika Brooks is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Substance Abuse Counselor in the state of Virginia. She has a master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling from Virginia Commonwealth University. She has been fortunate enough to have used her professional skills as Crisis clinician for a local community services board, an intensive in-home therapist, and an outpatient therapist. In these roles, she developed a great appreciation for all ages and clinical needs.
Erika is the owner of Enlightenment Counseling Services, LLC and co-author in the book collaboration, PEARLS: Wisdom and Advice from Emerging Women Leaders. Erika can be reached at brookslpc@yahoo.com or www.erikabrookslpc.com.